Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
