i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
