Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
