Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
