I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
