We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
