My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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