Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My life is pants optional.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
