Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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