Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
