Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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