Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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