the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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