Will you blow on my dice?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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