My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
