I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
