its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
