im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
