No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
