these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
