wanna go halves on a baby?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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