Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
