So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
