I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
