just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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