We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
