and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
