party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
