my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
