im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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