Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
