Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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