NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
