just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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