im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
