dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
