i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.