Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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