god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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