On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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