hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
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no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
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who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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