You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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