I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
