someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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