the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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