Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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