She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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