I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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