Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
