Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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