there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
