I got chris browned last night
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
