People in love make me want to vomit
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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