So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
