dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
