I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
