sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
