anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I am mentally ready for anal.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
