at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
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Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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