I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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