i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you win again, gameday.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My life is pants optional.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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