Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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