M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i believe in u and ur pee
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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