I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
