i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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