After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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