Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm getting married
To pizza
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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