Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
