I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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