Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
