do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
