We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
