in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
