I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
