well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
