Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
