I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
