Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
