Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
