I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You are a genius and a whore.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
